The Beginning

Yes, that is really a picture of me taken just a couple of days ago! I am a beautiful, incredible woman who has a great deal yet to do in this lifetime...and I need the physical stamina and freedom to do so. I am on day 4 of the USANA RESET program and I am loving it. I am feeling more energetic and I am not hungry...and no more carb cravings! Oh...and a side effect is that in the last 4 days, I have lost a total of 9.8 pounds (which is probably mostly water at this point...but it is a start).

I have tried almost every diet...from eating only cabage soup or grapefruits, Atkins, South Beach, Dr. B, WeightWatchers, TOPS, cleansing diets...you name them...I have tried them and been successful at removing excess fat from my body on a number of occasions. For example, I lost over 160 pounds two years ago (110 of it on WeightWatchers)...only to gain 100 pounds of it back again. It is frustrating, demoralizing, depressing and disempowering. It seemed as long as I obsess about every bite I put in my mouth and have strict disciplinary control, I am successful but as soon as I start focusing on other areas of my life which are just as important...such as relationships, family, career, spirituality, and finances, the weight creeps back on.

Is it because I am "emotionally eating"? I delved into this aspect and did uncover some 'habits' I have (such as eating late at night when what I really want and need is a hug) and decided to find more constructive ways to deal with this (no...picking up guys in the bar for one night stands has never been the solution...lol). I now ‘phone a friend’ or spend some quite time getting to know myself (building a deeper relationship with myself…which has been rather fun). This has been very good for me but it doesn’t stop the cravings and hunger for high calorie junk food. I actually have learned to enjoy fruits and vegetables…but still crave the junk food and fast food. I would chastise myself for not having the discipline necessary to pass up all that easily obtainable fast food I see around me all the time. As a scientist (yes, I do have a PhD…fat people really are not stupid), I decided to research this area more thoroughly and try to figure out why I have such cravings and am constantly hungry. What I am uncovering about my body and about the foods I am putting into it is rather startling...at least to me!

I have been told by my doctor that I am 'pre-diabetic'; which means I have very high insulin levels in my blood. Most of my siblings have type 2 diabetes as did my father. Most of my siblings also have a great deal of other health problems related to being overweight, such as high blood pressure, joint and muscle pain, high cholesterol levels, other heart problems, breathing problems...the list goes on. My only major health problem are my joints. I managed to break my left knee 20 years ago when I was supper skinny (yes, I do tend to obsess) and have since had 5 knee operations (3 on the left, and 2 on the right) and have developed arthritis in the joints. So my knees are shot. And I am starting to feel the arthritis in other weight-baring joints. Other than that, I am quite healthy...so far...but if I continue the way I am going, some of these problems are inevitable.

I used to hate my body...I used to be so angry with it for being so fat and ugly. I would hate it for being hungry and craving fast food...and I would punish it by starving for a few days...just to prove that I could. But the funniest thing is, my body is the only thing that has been there for me all my life. Wherever I go...there I am! My body has seen me through eveything I have stuffed into it...and it is still there...trying to do its best to keep me alive and to do the things I make it to do. And what have I done in return? I have not exercised it properly (binge exercising...weekend warrior...more on that later); I have stuffed it with 'treats' that are not treats to it at all. It puts a great deal of stress on my body to digest huge quantities of unnessesary carbs...and it needs healthy alternatives...but I 'treat' myself with foods I do not need. It is time to forgive myself and love my body. To thank it for all its support and to care for it. It is part of me and a part that deserves love and nurturing.

So what did I uncover in my research about these cravings that I have? If it isn't just 'emotional eating', what is it? I will address this topic in my next blog! Watch for it tonight!