April 22nd

As it really been this long since my last entry? My how time flies when you are scrambling to make ends meet. I have undergone a huge disappointment in the last week and unfortunately I have been rather depressed about it. I had applied to teach 4 courses on the campus where I have taught these courses before and was really excited about being in the classroom again. Unfortunately, I wasn't chosen to teach any of these classes. This was a huge shock since the union rules state that I should have received the contract for these courses. I have got to find a place to work that welcomes innovating teaching techniques! Sometimes it is really hard to stay focused on a vision and goal when people you have respected let you down. It has taken a lot of processing on my part to stay focused. As a scientist, I tend to look at 'failures' as just opportunities to see what went wrong and correct the procedure so that the experiment will work the next time. Thus, I am trying to figure out what went wrong with my teaching at the campus and figure out how to approach a similar situation in the future. I really miss teaching.

It is interesting how my eating behavior can reflect how I am feeling. I found myself going back to old habits of not wanting to eat in the morning and then wanting to eat all evening...but I caught myself as I started to do this and was able to stop the behavior. I realized it was just a reaction to the events in my life and this realization helped me separate the behavior from the feelings.

So I am still on course. But depression is not something that is easily overcome.

I did manage to have a lot of fun (and hard work) last weekend at the toastmaster's conference at which I was the audio/visual chairperson. I had so much fun making sure the microphones were working, the powerpoint slides were ready, the theme songs were ready and the videos were set. There were so many people! It was a blast! But, being an introvert by nature, I really needed Monday and Tuesday to be on my own and regain some energy.

Now I am working on a couple of new workshops that I think will really rock! One focuses on how to think 'outside the box' while still in the box. It will really help people to think differently than 'normal' so they can adjust and adapt to the economic times...how to become resourceful and have fun with it at the same time. The other workshop is focused on university/high school students and asks the question "why am I here"? It is focused on helping these incredible people to find their passion in life; how to get the most out of their 'education' and tells them the real reason they are in school.

The other workshop I am just starting to put together is one about this whole issue of a 'food guide' that actually makes sense from a scientific basis instead of what we have as the Canada Food Guide. It just makes me so angry to know that scientists have been proving for quite some time that our 'typical' diet is extremely unhealthy and that a healthy diet is really not all that difficult to manage. Especially when you think about what we are feeding very young children that will set them up for future health problems.

Anyway...I should get back to work...trying to scrape enough money together this month to pay the rent...being unemployed really sucks...although I am grateful for EI (without which I would be living on the streets...and I really don't want to go back there!).

Oh...and the grand total of weight loss in the first month was 16.8 pounds...thanks USANA!!!!!!

April 8th

I can't believe it is April 8th already! Life is getting better and better. My body seems to be shifting and changing. I don't know if any of you can understand what I am about to tell you but for someone who has been as overweight and out of shape as I have been, this is rather significant. I had a very busy, physical day today...faciliating a networking workshop all morning, walking a lot this afternoon...and then walking from the subway to the BlueJays baseball game and back again...and the really weird part is that my legs felt great. They were tired but I didn't experience the horrible pain in my knees that would usually make me limp and even more strange is the fact that I could feel my entire leg moving. Usually I shuffle along and take small strides (because that is all I can do) but this time I could feel my entire leg swing in motion. It actually felt as if I was taller! I could stand up better and walk better. Usually my feet hurt a lot even without the physical exercise...but although they are tired, they do not ache.

Oh...and I met my friend (who has the tickets) at Harvey's (where we usually meet) and instead of having a burger and fries and a diet coke....I had a hot grilled chicken salad with a cup of tea. I was actually looking forward to the salad!

So just for fun I weighed myself tonight...and since I started on the USANA products on March 15th, I have officially lost 15.4 pounds...and feel fantastic!

April 3rd

Another day of freedom. Freedom from carb cravings! Freedom to chose! I had lunch with a friend from university and had to choose from a menu. I was hungry! It was rather interesting to chat with the waitress. I called her by name and connected with her...and then we discussed how the food is cooked and what substitutions I could make. I think I am forming an addiction to spinach! I am not trying to belittle the agony of addictions (I grew up in the environment and saw its devastating effects in my family) but I actually substituted spinach for lettuce in my salad...and topped it with seafood lightly cooked with water in the pan instead of oil. I did have some wonderful feta cheese sprinkled on top and a bit of avocado plus the usual cherry tomatoes, and other 'salad things'. I had a vinaigrette dressing on the side. It was really scrumptious! AND I got to visit with a friend...without the alcohol or wings!

I got to tell you, these USANA products I am on are rather amazing. I can now have a balanced breakfast without worrying about being hungry or tired by midmorning. And by noon, I am hungry but still in control. The supplements are incredible. So much energy!

The only thing I am a bit worried about is that two of my main supporters left today for 10 days...and I really wish I was going with them (a James Ray event that seems awesome)! I am just going to have to tough it out and hopefully hear from a few of you who are reading this blog. Yes, my main motivation is coming from within me...but a bit of external support and encouragement is always helpful! I really want to thank those who are leaving comments...it does help to know that someone is reading this!

I promised myself I would get to bed by midnight tonight and it is approaching quickly. I have a full day tomorrow with a huge meeting from 9 am until 5 pm...then church...then home to get more work done (but with time to take a stroll at sunset by the waterfront).

April 2nd

This is a difficult blog to write tonight. I spent most of the day in the emergency department with a very dear, dear friend. She is 87 years young and an amazing woman. She has taken very good care of her health all of her life and lives independently in her own home after losing her husband 6 years ago. She has always been very physically active (she was still figure skating and dancing at the age of 81 until she fell on the ice and broke her hip). She still does 1 1/2 hours of exercise each morning and can do exercises that I currently can't do. She is very, very conscious of the food she eats and takes suppliments regularly.

However, she had a health scare today. The good news is, this time it was only a scare. She is back at home tonight in her own bed. Yes, there will be more tests and there will be homecare for her...but it saddened her to realize she may not be as independent as she used to be. She has a very kind, warm heart and is constantly excited about learning new things. However, with the recent deterioration in her hearing, eye sight and circulation, she is forced to slow down.

This really brought home to me the importance of health. She has so many memories of adventures, journeys, and experiences. It was rather humerous when we talked with the doctor and had to answer questions about her health...no high blood pressure, no diabetes, no stroke, no heart problems, no medications. The only previous problem was varicous veins...at the age of 87!

I was very honoured to be there for her today and hold her hand and talk about pleasant memories with her. She inspires me.

She has agreed to share some of her exercises with me and I am paying attention to what she eats and when. There is so much wisdom in her and in her generation. I hope we are given the time to share so much more.

March 31st

Okay...officially it is April 1st but I am just finishing my day. I need to fall into bed soon but I wanted to let all of you know I am still here. It has been a rough couple of days. I watched the video of my keynote speech from Sunday and saw how enormous my body is. I am trying to remain focused on my health instead of my weight but come on now...I looked like the Frosty the Snowman with these little arms sticking out the sides! Yes, the speech was inspirational and I do seem to have some talent for public speaking...but really! The weight has got to come off. The really weird thing is...I don't actually feel that fat! I don't know why, but I feel slim inside. I have more energy now than I have had in a very long time and I can think clearer and longer. I don't have the carb cravings that I used to have and I don't obsess about food. I have managed to lose almost 15 pounds in the last 3 weeks but there is a really long way to go. This tends to get me down.

Okay...time to focus. Keep the goal in mind...think it; feel it; live it. I am what I am. My body weight is the result of my past habits. As I continue to take my current actions and make the lifestyle shifts, my body will reflect this.

I guess I just want it to all happen right now!

Sometimes I get so darn angry that the knowledge of what our 'typical' diet does to our bodies has been known for quite some time but it hasn't been shared with the rest of society. Why haven't we paid attention? Why has the fast food industry and pharmaceutical companies been allowed to get away with this? Do they really influence our daily lives this much? Imagine what would happen to these industries if we all stopped eating the foods that are slowly killing us...the current fast food business would have to change drastically...and the drug companies would lose an incredible amount of money. However, we would also save a tremendous amount on our health care costs. If we were to eat a balanced diet that included only low glycemic carbs, and included moderate exercise, the number of obese people would drastically reduce...and along with it, the incidence of high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, heart attacks, stroke...and who knows what else! I wonder if some cancers could be related to the foods we eat?

I have been on the planet for over 50 years now and have formed some rather typical habits regarding food. If we were to provide our children with proper nutrition and teach them the truth from a very young age, what would they feel like by the time they are 50 years old? What habits would they have?

It is difficult to change habits...according to the 'experts' it takes a minimum of 21 days....but in times of stress, we tend to still fall back on 'old habits'. If we do not eradicate these habits, we merely 'minimize' them...like the programs on your computer that you minimize but are stilling running in the background. If we are not consciously aware of our habits, they are still running below our consciousness.

It takes a combination of awareness, a willingness to change the habit, and repeated action of the new habit to remove the old one and replace it with a new one. Not just adding a new behavior...actually changing the old one.

Let me get a little scientific for a moment. Habit forming...and habit breaking...involve alterations to the connections in our brains (the points of connection are called synapses). As we repeat a behavior over and over, specific pathways between brain cells are strengthened. Their points of connection are strengthened so that the next time we experience the same stimuli (such as stomach growling), our brains direct us to follow our established pattern of behavior...our habits. To break an old habit and form a new one, the old synaptic patterns need to be weakened and new patterns need to be established. It is like having two muddy paths on a dirt bike trail. If one path is continually used, the ruts become deeper and deeper so that the next time you travel along it, you become forced to follow the exact same ruts...while the other, barely used path has very little ruts. The trick to changing a habit is to force yourself to follow the other less used pathway and use it over and over again until it forms deep ruts...while the old path has time to fill in the ruts. After a period of time, the new path is the one that will hold you tires in the ruts. But realize, this does take time...and at first, it takes conscious effort to chose the new path...until it becomes a well established habit and the synaptic pathways are strengthened.

The bottom line is...it is possible to change habits...we do have a choice...we are not stuck on the old paths! By keeping our goal in mind...and by continually revisiting our vision in a multi-senses way (feel, touch, taste, hear, see...know!), we can continue to chose the new path each time we are faced with the same stimulus.

This is what keeps me on this path. Thank God I know something about science! And now you do to.

It is not just a matter of will power...your body will actually assist you IF you give it the chance to form the new pathways in your brain...and if you give it the best chance possible...by limiting the carb cravings and feeding it what it needs to thrive...at a macro and cellular level. You can work with your body...and it very much wants to work with you!